Tag Archives: thinkitchangeit

New year, New life

This time last year I was in the middle of transforming myself. 

This year I am transformed. I am everything I could possibly hope to be and I am entering into 2013 full of excitement and anticipation for everything it might bring. 

The end of a year is often a time of contemplation and evaluation. It’s also a great opportunity to take hold of your life and choose to be whoever you most want to be. 

So I have a special Christmas offer for you that will run until the end of 2012. 

If you buy my book “Nothing Needs to be the Way it’s Always Been”  which is £5.49 on Amazon, then I will give you one 30 minute online life coaching session via Skype/Facetime which is worth £30.

Click here to read about my online therapy model

So what do you have to do?

1. Buy my book “Nothing Needs to be the Way it’s Always Been” from Amazon (You can get it by clicking on this link)

2. Email proof of purchase to dawn@thinkitchangeit.com

3. I will reply and arrange a convenient time/date for our online session

It’s that simple!

For me 2013 is about helping as many people as I possibly can. This is just the first step towards that for me. 

Dealing with stress over Christmas

In everyday life most of us experience varying degrees of anxiety. Maybe we have an interview or a big presentation to do. Maybe we are meeting someone for the first time. Or maybe just getting out of the front door is enough to make us anxious.

Somehow, for a lot of us, Xmas presents all sorts of new opportunities for stress. 

The feeling of nervousness or anxiety is driven from our subconscious. Believe it or not it is attempting to protect us. You might wonder how getting nervous before an interview is protection. Or even how getting nervous about stepping out the front door is useful?

Think back to the stone age where we had to hunt.

If you came across a predator such as a sabre toothed tiger, then you didn’t have time to evaluate the best option, so run a brainstorming session on the best approach to take. You had to react and do it instantly.So you had 3 choices

1.    Fight – go for it! All-out fight the beastie

2.    Flight – leg it as fast as you can and hope you’re faster than your fellow hunters (let’s face it as long as you can outrun them you don’t need to worry as much about the sabre toothed tiger)

3.    Freeze – don’t move, stay totally still and hope it doesn’t notice you

Each of these responses would be an instant choice based on circumstance but would require a physiological response to make possible.

An increase in heart rate, blood and adrenalin flowing through your system, breathing shorter, ready to give you a burst of physical super juice to allow you to survive.

Do those sound familiar?

What happens when you get really nervous? Do you think about it logically first or do you find that you notice the physical symptoms first?

In the absence of sabre toothed tigers in modern society, our subconscious is still trying to protect us by putting us into fight, flight or freeze mode when it perceives a threat.

To help deal with those moments as and when they happen I have developed two things 

1. An MP3 download that you can stick on any device to have it with you whenever you need it. 

Get the Ease that stress/anxiety download here

2. A YouTube video clip you can watch when you’re at your PC to teach you a couple of coping techniques 

The positive feeling button

Wouldn’t it be great if you could take a pill that made you feel immediately more positive?

A pill that had no side effects so that you could take it as often as you wanted?

Well you can using a technique called an anchor.

In the attached link I will talk you through setting up your very own positive feeling anchor that you can use any time you need it.

So sit back, relax, and enjoy the moment!

There are children starving in Africa

Sam_0218

Have you ever been told this to encourage you to finish your food? Did it work?

The problem is that we all live in our own little world and no matter how hard we try, it’s hard for what’s happening in someone else’s world to have the same meaning as the things happening in our own. 

Yesterday morning I was heading out for breakfast with my daughter and the sky was clear and dark. She pointed out that the moon looked like a banana. As I stared at it I could see the slight shadow of the full moon.

For a fleeting moment I became aware of my insignificance in the greater scheme of things.

All my thoughts and problems seemed to become meaningless for that moment as the moon showed me how big the Universe was and how small I was.

And then I came back to reality as my daughter showed me her doll (Supergirl) bouncing on her bum. 

The reality is that we are all unique. We all look at the world and the events that happen in our lives in a different way. 

My daughter, at 4 years old, is still learning what she likes and doesn’t like. When someone laughs at something she does, she does it more and tries to get a bigger laugh. One of her friends at school cries and tries to hide. 

It was an important lesson I learnt during my training as a Cognitive Hypnotherapist – we are all different and all do our problems differently. One person with anxiety is very different to another person and if I tried to help each person the same way then it might not be as effective as if I took the time to understand what anxiety meant to them, and tailor the solution accordingly. 

We all have our own models of the world. So don’t be too hard on yourself when you struggle to cope. And don’t judge others by your standards – they are not living in the same world as you. 

In fact, I find, the best plan is to follow these principles

  • Assume you know nothing about what someone else is experiencing. Support but don’t try and impose your beliefs onto them – even when done with the best intentions.
  • Don’t ever judge someone else’s model of the world. Different is not necessarily wrong.
  • Don’t judge yourself – you always do your best with the resources you have available.  

 

If you were invisible

Rise_of_the_guardians_poster

I went to see Rise of the Guardians at the cinema at the weekend. 

It is a film about a boy called Jack Frost teaming up with Father Christmas, the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny and the Sandman to defeat the Boogyman (nicknamed ‘Pitch’)

And it was interesting because it was all about the belief of the children.

The problem Jack had was that no one believed in him and even though they could see the others, they couldn’t see him. 

So he questioned why he existed. 

Father Christmas encouraged him to find his centre. To find inside himself what was important to him instead of looking outside for answers. 

It got me thinking:

If you were invisible and couldn’t depend on the way other people saw you to define yourself, what would you believe about yourself?

It’s an interesting question isn’t it?

  1. Who would you be if you didn’t see yourself through the perceptions of others?
  2. How many of the beliefs you hold about yourself are as a result of other characters in your life, either historical or current?
  3. What would happen if you changed even a single one of those beliefs into something that was not influenced by anyone else? 
  4. What is your centre? Father Christmas had wonder. Jack Frost found fun. I have found power. 

The captain in your head

Have you ever seen one of those films where you go inside someone’s head and there is a little flight crew in there with a captain, control panels etc?

You see, up to 90% of our day is spent on autopilot. We operate in a trance state. We don’t need to think about moving, breathing, eating. We don’t need to think about locking the door when we leave the house. We don’t even need to think too much when we are driving about the lights changing or giving way at a junction.

We just kind of do it without too much conscious effort in most circumstances. 

In most circumstances… 

Because sometimes our subconscious is driving us in a way that we wouldn’t consciously choose. 

The captain in charge seems to have a different set of priorities to you and so in some circumstances you might find that you are having to make way more of a conscious effort than you would normally. 

Maybe it’s around food. The captain in your head takes you towards eating when you’re not really hungry. It seems to want you to grab a pile of food and eat until you feel sick. It loads up your dinner plate and makes you keep going until it’s clear. “You” don’t want to do that but yet somehow you did. And so instead of operating on autopilot you are constantly trying to override and take control.

It can be tiring. 

Maybe it’s around smoking. The captain in your head has you reaching for a cigarette without you even realising it. You try and stop it but somehow it is hard to maintain the level of effort required to constantly override it. I saw this video recently and it really brought it home to me

The captain in your head is often following a different master to you. And because it is in control it has all the power. 

Sometimes you need to work out who the captain in your head is. Sometimes you need to work who has the power. Maybe food, maybe cigarettes. Maybe a person from your past. Maybe a person in your present.

Often we give the power over to the captain in our head and feel that we don’t have a say in the matter. 

But we always do. We can be the person who directs the captain in our head in the same way as we do all day every day for moving, breathing, sleeping. 

So if you need some help with taking the power back why not check out my website or drop me an email to dawn@thinkitchangeit.com and we’ll see what we can do

 

Power of pooled knowledge

The whole is greater than the sum of its parts. Aristotle

I trained to be a Cognitive Hypnotherapist at the Quest Institute under Trevor Silvester. 

Everyone who qualifies is referred to in a friendly way as a Questie.

I have found that Questies are a fairly unique breed of therapist. They are primarily driven by the need to help people find that best solution to their problem that works for them in the best timeframe possible for the client. 

Now this might not sound very unique. After all, don’t all therapists go into this to help people?

Of course.

What makes Questies unique is that they will do whatever is necessary to find the best solution in the most efficient way. And this is a challenge when you work under the belief that everyone is unique and what works for one person does not necessarily work for someone else. 

So there is no formula like “If the client is scared of spiders, read this script and the problem will be sorted” because we know that there may be many reasons for a fear and one solution does not fit all. 

It also means that it is possible to drive very significant change in a relatively short space of time because we can adapt to each client. 

This puts a lot of pressure on us, to make sure we are always learning and exploring new ways to help people. 

So Questies spend a lot of time sharing knowledge and support with each other. When we come across a new piece of learning we share it. When we are struggling with a particular problem we turn to the network for solutions. 

This is what makes Questies unique in my opinion. That despite working and running our businesses as individuals,  we are constantly communicating as part of our network to make each of us more effective in what we do. 

Tomorrow I will attend an event along with 120 other Questies. We will listen to a series of talks that I expect to be both informative and entertaining and we will network and connect and pool our knowledge. 

We will all come out stronger from the experience and I can’t wait.

Bumps and potholes in the road

You know, I can’t think of many roads that aren’t littered with bumps and potholes. 

Things that we hit unexpectedly, catching us by surprise and often making us feel pretty uncomfortable. 

And it’s easy to believe, for a while, that we are stuck. That we haven’t just hit a pothole but we’ve actually fallen down a hole. 

There we were, pootling along happily and everything seemed ok then suddenly *bang* and things change. 

But all roads have bumps. 

Things changing has no meaning other than a bump in the road.

And if we can believe that – if we can believe that soon we will be over the bump and continue on our journey – it might be a little easier for us to accept that bump in the road. 

Failure

I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work. Thomas Edison

It’s such a judgemental word isn’t it “FAILURE”?

Who says? 

Who defines what is success or failure?

Failure is an attitude – a subjective judgement – and not a fact.

Like anything you can choose how to interpret anything in your life including when you don’t achieve something you set out to achieve. 

This isn’t like winning or losing. It’s a fact that some people win and some people don’t. It’s not a fact that you have failed at something. It’s a feeling. 

So next time you don’t achieve something you set out to achieve ask yourself:

  • What can you learn from it? Thomas Edison ended up with a light bulb. I wonder where your learning will take you…
  • Where did the goal come from?
  • Who set it? 
  • Was it the right goal?
  • Who cares whether you achieve this or not?
  • Does it really matter that you missed it? Really? in what way? 
  • Can you achieve what you’re trying to achieve some other way?
  • What would you tell someone else if they were in the same position as you?
  • What are you going to do next?

The key is to remember that failure is a subjective judgment not a fact.

You can always choose to see it a different way.

 

The stages of competence

In business we talk about 4 stages of competence. 

Stage 1 Unconscious Incompetence

In this stage you don’t know what you don’t know. It may be characterised by believing you are more competent that you are because you have not had anything challenge your beliefs. 

Stage 2 Conscious Incompetence

In this stage you have become aware of your limitations. You know that you don’t know stuff and are aware as you approach things that you are limited in your abilities

Stage 3 Conscious Competence

In this stage you have reached a level of competence but it is not effortless. You are aware of your competencies and have to work at them constantly.

Stage 4 Unconscious Competence

This is the ultimate stage. You are able to do stuff without even thinking about it with a high degree of competence. You can ebb and flow to fit what you are doing without having to consciously work everything out.

It may be that many of us never truly reach Stage 4 in any particular area which is not a problem. The biggest risk is those of us who sit at stage 1 – not knowing what we don’t know. 

A journey through therapy can be similar to a journey through the levels of competence. 

We may begin by being unaware that our behaviours are being driven by anything other than our conscious choice.

In reality 80-90% of our day we are driven by our subconscious; breathing, moving, eating etc

 So the first steps we take in therapy are to move you from Stage 1 to Stage 2. We need to define the problem. We need to understand those things that might be emotionally hijacking you and getting in the way of who you want to be. 

In Stage 3 we will give you the tools to overcome those behaviours that may be triggered by events your subconscious deems as significant to survival, but in reality are often down to a miscalculation. 

Hopefully, through our relationship together we can work towards Stage 4. At Stage 4 of therapy we have corrected the miscalculations made by your subconscious so that you no longer need to compensate for behavioural triggers that are getting in the way of you being who you want to be. 

In Stage 4 of therapy you are able to get on with your day without anything triggering unwanted behaviours, thoughts or feelings. 

So if you feel I can help you move to Stage 4 in your life, why not check out my website www.thinkitchangeit.com or drop me an email to dawn@thinkitchangeit.com and we can start chatting.