Tag Archives: suicide

Men don’t talk

So here is an interesting observation for you. I am doing a study on the fear of public speaking for my Masters. So far my questionnaire is going well, but only 4% of the completed surveys are from men.

Now I know for a fact that a fear of public speaking is not about whether you are male of female.

But maybe talking about it is?

Suicide kills three times as many men as it does women. If you are a man between 20 and 49, you’re more likely to die from suicide than cancer, road accidents or heart disease.

This is just a little survey on fear of public speaking. But the completion rates are confirming a far bigger problem.

Men don’t talk about what’s in their heads.

How can we change this?

If you could spare a bit of time to complete my survey, I’d really appreciate it.

Semi Colon Tattoos

A semi colon is used by an author to indicate that a sentence is not over.

A semi colon tattoo is used by a person to show that they didn’t give up and that their life isn’t over.

A tattoo. A permanent mark on your skin that you will have for the rest of your life.

A permanent reminder for the rest of your life of a time where you were so low that you nearly took your own life.

It is supposed to raise awareness of mental health issues and suicide.

A lot of my clients want to get past the lowest part of their lives. They want to move on from that state where they can’t enjoy life. They want to move on from feeling like there was no hope.

A tattoo is a constant reminder.

You know how you can hear a song and it takes you right back to a moment?

You know how you walk past a cafe and the smell reminds you of a childhood memory?

A tattoo like this would do that same, in my opinion. It would never let you forget that you felt so low that you wanted to end it all.

Whilst I recognise that it is intended as a positive sign – I survived, I fought, I was strong enough to keep going – the reality is that in 20 years time when your life has moved on so much, this will be a reminder of the bad times.

Personally, I think a semi colon tattoo limits your freedom to move on with your life. And I believe everyone can, and deserves to,  move on with their life, with the right help.

Invisible reality

If what other people thought of us really mattered and was material to our sense of who we are then Robin Williams would still be alive today.

Why do I say that? Well today I woke up to the news of his suspected suicide. It was well known that he struggled with depression. But the reason for my opening statement is based on the response to his death. People are showing nothing but love, kindness, respect, sadness and understanding.

We feel a sense of loss for a person we feel connected with but never truly knew.

But even if we did know him – even if we shared a beer with him every week – would that mean that we would have more of an insight into how he was feeling? Unlikely.

Depression (if that’s what led to his death) is invisible. It happens inside of a person’s head. It happens in their version of reality that rarely bears any resemblance to the reality of the world around them. If it did, then they would be able to see the love and respect of the people around them. They would be able to see how much they would be missed.

But it’s invisible. So often even closest friends and relatives have no idea. And it makes you blind, so you can’t see a way out. You feel hopeless. You *feel* hopeless but that doesn’t mean things are hopeless.

There is one simple thing anyone who is stuck in that dark place in their heads can do.

Talk about it.

That’s it.

Just talk to someone. Tell them what is happening in your head.

It’s like opening thick curtains, just a crack, on a bright sunny day. By talking the light shines right in through that opening. Just by talking the darkness begins to disappear.

You are not alone. You are never alone. If you don’t feel you can talk to a friend or relative talk to The Samaritans 08457 90 90 90 (UK).

Open that curtain, just a crack, and let the light in.

World Suicide Prevention day, Sep 10, 2013

Today is World Suicide Prevention day

When I was 18 I was planning on killing myself.

My mother was on strong painkillers and I had spent a couple of years before I went to University creating a collection for myself. She was probably confused as to where some of her tablets went but I took only 1 each time and did it over quite a long time.

I didn’t have a great childhood and I figured that if the first 18 years of my life had gone like that I didn’t want to see the rest of my life.

My plan was to take them when I was at University because there was always someone at home and I didn’t want to be found. I wanted to die.

On my first day at University I sat in the room in my flat and watched people come and go outside of the window. The tablets sat in a bottle on my desk.

I never took them. I got up and went to speak to the 8 other girls I was sharing a flat with.

I don’t know why I didn’t take them.

What I do know is that I soon discovered that nobody knew or cared what had happened in my past. I discovered that I could choose to be whoever I wanted to be.

I discovered that no matter how bad things seem to be, keeping it inside of you just makes it worse. Sharing it makes it better. My now-husband taught me that. When we talked I realised I had created a world inside my head which felt so lonely. But he helped me see I wasn’t alone.

And now of course I know that nothing needs to be the way it’s always been. It took me 40 years, and a lucky find of Cognitive Hypnotherapy, to find that out.

But now I am happy.

And I don’t want to die

I want to live and enjoy my life.

Sometimes things can seem utterly hopeless. But we all live in our own reality. And that means we all have the power to change that reality – we just need a little help sometimes. If you’ve seen or read Harry Potter do you remember the scene with the Boggart? Where it comes out of a wardrobe as your worst fear? But then you just change it to make it something you laugh at instead?

We can always change our reality.

Maybe I can help. Or maybe you need something more immediate.

The World Suicide Prevention day website is here

You can get hold of the Samaritans here 24 hours a day, 365 days a year

Don’t be alone. There is always someone there to help even though it may seem like no one can help you.

And if you want, you can email me dawn@thinkitchangeit.com .I will listen.