Tag Archives: Diary of a Teenage Mind Reader

Hold on to your past – it defines you.

When I was 3 I told that my grandfather was molesting me. Nothing changed and it continued until I moved to live with my mother at 8 or 9 years old.

When I was 12 I told my mother I was being abused. Nothing changed and the abuse continued for some time after.

3 years ago I faced my abuser in court and he walked out of the court free. The jury found him not guilty. Nothing changed.

Before I went to live with my mother, I was starved and looked like a skeleton, beaten to the point of being covered in bruises and neglected. School knew. Social Services knew. Nothing changed.

At 14 years old my brother ran away for the first time. He was returned home. At 16 years old he ran away again and this time they couldn’t bring him home.

I stayed.

I went to university, got a degree in computing, met the man who would become my husband, and went on to have a very successful career, eventually ending up on a 6 figure salary in BT. I had a wonderful house, husband and daughter. Everything was amazing.

Except I was still the broken little girl inside. It was all a pretence.

Then I found cognitive hypnotherapy and everything changed.

Nothing changed what had happened, of course. It was me that changed inside. My internal story changed. The meaning behind the events changed.

One day a friend suggested that I should let go of my past as it didn’t serve me any more. I got really upset.

Who would I be if I had not experienced my life?

I am where I am not just because of who I am, but also because of the experiences I went through.

 

If I wasn’t the person I am, I wouldn’t be here writing this, helping people, trying to change the world, one person at a time. I would be like my brother, a drug addict struggling to keep going each day.

If I hadn’t gone through the experiences I did then it would be unlikely that I would dedicate my life to helping others escape the demons of their past.

So I don’t want to let go of the past. It made me who I am.

I sometimes learn new things about my past. Recently I reconnected with a relative (there are very few people from my past allowed in my present life). I learnt things about what was done, and what people new, that floored me a little. I felt angry and upset. I asked why no one protected me, as I have done many times before.

But this time it was different for me. I didn’t ask what was wrong with me. I didn’t feel even more evil and broken.

I felt upset. Genuinely upset that people would treat a little girl that way.

And I felt in awe of the person that I am. The person that got through that. And the person I have become as a result of that.

So don’t let go of your childhood experiences. You need them. They go with your personal qualities to make you who you are today.

Why do I have to wait 2 weeks after the first session?

A client sits in the chair in front of me. They are looking unhappy. It’s the second session.

“How have the last couple of weeks been?”, I ask.

They shrug their shoulders non-committaly.

“Ok. There have been ups and downs”, they answer.

“Good”, I say.

They look surprised.

It’s an interesting phenomena.

Before the first session, anyone would laugh in your face if you said you could sort all their problems out in just one session.

However, because of the way I work, people feel different when they walk out of our first session together. And with that difference , a new bar/expectation is set.

I am good. But I’m not good enough to change your life in 2 weeks!

For every change they experience, they EXPECT that change to be permanent. Of course it’s not. In those first 2 weeks what you get is a sneak preview, a movie trailer, to show you what life will be like in your future. They are moments of change amongst your normal behaviour.

And that’s where the problem comes. By the second session you assume you have gone back to where you started. Of course you haven’t.

If I see you after 1 week, you are still on an unnatural high.

If I see you after 3 weeks, you have stopped seeing the changes and have convinced yourself this won’t work.

2 weeks is a sweet spot. It’s enough time to have had good moments, and usually a bad day. On a bad day you think you are back at square one and then the expectation changes.

You feel disappointed that all the changes haven’t happened.

You sit in my chair and feel despondent (or online).

“Really?”, I ask “How good do you think I am that I can change everything in 2 weeks?”

People generally leave my first and second sessions feeling happier.

About 60% of my clients only need 2 sessions. 

How would it make you feel to know that within 6 weeks you could be feeling much better about your life?

Why not drop me a mail to dawn@thinkitchangeit.com and get started today

One part, many parts, or both

I am absolutely fascinated by this woman.
 
We are all made up of parts. And not all of us can accept that. In most people it becomes about denying there are different parts of us and attributing behaviours to us as a whole.
 
For this woman she has gone the other way and fully dissociated from her parts. She regards them as not belonging to her and paints as them. She has many different painting styles. She talks as if her parts are totally different to her. 
 
I believe we are neither one part, or multiple distinct parts.
 
I believe all behaviour serves a purpose, and all behaviour has a positive intent.
The problems we have often come from a battle between the parts. So I believe that harmonising the parts is the answer – not separating them or ignoring them. (I am not sure if this media file will load)

I recently went on my own journey of bringing some parts together, helped by a fellow therapist.

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