I have an approach to life which is very similar to Dory in Finding Dory. No matter how I feel, or what’s going on in my life, I keep going. I say yes when asked to do something, and worry about the details later. If I have something to do, I do it. I don’t put it off until I feel like doing it.
This last week, I have been reciting “Just keep swimming” like a demon.
It is a week that has tested me in every way.
My husband is diabetic. For the past couple of weeks he has been complaining about a problem with his right eye. Turns out he has diabetic retinopathy and will need an operation to save his sight. This operation will result in him losing his peripheral vision. The consequence of this is that there is a high probability he will no longer be able to drive. Now to complicate matters, my husband broke his back in accident around 30 years ago (before I met him) and was paralysed. He wasn’t expected to ever walk again, but he’s stubborn and he did. But he has a piece of bone that rubs his spinal chord when he walks, meaning he has very limited mobility. No driving and limited mobility changes things here quite a lot.
I was due to start a full time Masters in September. I have been getting more and more worried because I haven’t been able to secure any funding for it so as well as forking out £4500 for the 1 year course, my income was also going to be limited. It hadn’t felt right for a while.
But I just keep going no matter what.
However, when I considered the impracticality of being out of the house more often, along with the possibility of the hubby no longer being able to drive, I made the difficult decision to withdraw from the course. This goes very much against the idea of keeping going whatever!
…I have applied to do another Masters in a different local University. This has funding (I checked!) and there is still the possibility of starting this September. If not , next year will be fine. There is no timescale on it. It’s a means to a end anyway as I really want to do a Phd. I felt a huge sense of relief when I pulled out of the first Masters. It was clear it was the right choice to make.
The hubby has his operation on Wednesday. It’s just a day thing. I have cleared my diary of clients through the day last week and this week.
There really is nothing more I can do. I just have to keep swimming.
For almost everything in life, it has worked out well for me to ignore the doubting voice in my mind. I have taken on things that friends have cautioned against, fearing that I can’t handle it. I stayed in a lower paying job when colleagues left and earned a lot more – because I was looking at long term benefits rather than short term gain. It worked out well as I rose through the ranks in senior management. I trained to become a Cognitive Hypnotherapist, travelling to London for one weekend a month for 10 months, while doing a senior manager job in BT and bringing up my daughter who was then only 3. At the same time I trained for, and ran the London Marathon.
Anything is possible if you don’t listen to your limiting beliefs. This works for me.
But sometimes, you are being stupid to ignore the signs. The Universe does tend to give you clues, if you learn to listen. When the course I wanted had no funding, I should have decided then that it wasn’t right for me.
But we can’t time travel. We make the best decisions we can at any given moment in time. We can merely learn something from them for the decisions we make in the future.
So as Dory says, just keep swimming (and sometimes stop and listen to your friends for a moment!)